Surgery Next Week…Oy!

7 Mar

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I’m having surgery next week.  There, I said it.  I haven’t been keeping my surgery a secret, mind you.  After all, I mentioned something about it on this blog almost two weeks ago, I think.  Still, I haven’t blogged about the fact that surgery is scheduled, that I’ve done my pre op visits and tests, and that this coming Wednesday, March 12th, at about five in the morning, Amy Emma and I will pile into a car, drive over to St. Joseph’s in Burbank, and I will undergo minor thoracic surgery.  Sounds funny, huh….minor thoracic surgery.  Kind of like fighting a little war, or getting a little pregnant.  But I digress.

Like I said, I have yet to blog about this, and that is unusual for me, since I have blogged about almost every procedure, every doctor’s visit, everything since this whole mess began back in late September.  And yet I’ve been electronically quiet about this.  Why is that? 

A few reasons come to mind.  The first is that I have been REALLY sick the past two weeks.  My family has been clobbered with a brutal cold, and I am just now emerging from  a dark hole of coughing, sneezing, nose blowing, and feeling crappy.  Indeed, it is conceivable that if I am not a lot better by Monday (which I think will happen) we will have to delay the surgery.  Also, I’ve been very busy working on a digital history project for my friends at UCLA’s Center for Jewish Studies (here’s a cheap plug…check it out). 

But I think the reason I have been so quiet, to date, about my upcoming procedure is that I am scared…REALLY REALLY scared.  I’ve never had surgery under general anesthesia before.  Sure, I’ve had a wisdom tooth out under sodium pentothal, and that was pretty cool, but I have never been deep under with a tube down my wind pipe to assist in my breathing.  Never ever.  And I am really scared about that.  Also, I am really scared about what the doctor may find.  Once again I find myself asking God that, if I am not completely healthy, at least please let me have one of three or four very curable cancers. Once more the bar for what I consider lucky is incredibly low. So, like a little kid frightened by the shadow in his closet, or the creaking under his bed, I have become silenced by fear.  Until now, of course.

 Something happened in the past day or two that has made me want to share my story again…to let the good people of my internet village know where I am and what’s happening to me…to ask for your prayers and support, and to let you know how much I have appreciated your support these past 5 ½ months.  I need it again. 

And so please know that I am having surgery Wednesday morning.  It’s outpatient, and so I hope to be home midday (maybe later).  As always I will let you know how I am doing, and I will share what I learn as I learn it.  If you’re praying people, please pray for me.  If you’re not, please just send me your good wishes. 

Thanks for your indulgence, care, and concern.

As always, stay tuned.

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